maandag 15 mei 2017

Recipe for Horsflab, a local Molvanian dish

Molvanians love eating out- preferably in France or Germany- but those dining within the borders of this unique country will find it a vibrant and exciting culinary experience.

Only in Molvania can one sample for example such traditional fare as horsflab, the local pickled meat, washed down with a glass of zeerstum, a licqeur described as tasting like a mixture of vodka and tar - quite understandable as both are common ingredients.

If you want to try it yourself, here is a tried-and-tested (and slightly failed) recipe for Horsflab, Lutenblag-style.

Ingredients :

- fermented horsemeat or better donkeymeat. The older the donkey, the better.
- onions
- potatoes
- chickpeas
- Zeerstum
- gallbladder (either from a pony or a dog, but NEVER from a Chihuahua because they are too small)

How to ferment your donkey? Just put the raw meat and wrap it in dung (obviously the donkey's dung, but any type of dung can be used). After 2 or 3 weeks the donkey starts to smell of industrial strength ammonia, and then it is ready.

Cooking instructions:

- put on a diving mask or ski mask
- put all ingredients together in a big kettle (not to be re-used afterwards)
- Cook for 2 hours, boil for 4 hours, steam for 25 minutes
- Serve with a glass of zeerstum and decorate with a funny-shaped pickle.

By the way, the texture is also particularly "challenging", a double whammy of gristle and mush. The pieces are served at a size that requires several gut churning seconds of chewing before they can be swallowed. I (barely) made it through three pieces of this before I noticed that none of my Molvanian hosts were eating! After I realized I didn't need to eat any more of the foul creation, they all admitted shock that I went back for a second and third piece. Liberal quantities of sweet potato wine helped to rinse away the taste memory.

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